


Lightning

by AcreditedOstrich



Category: One Piece
Genre: Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:42:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25466458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcreditedOstrich/pseuds/AcreditedOstrich
Summary: When you find yourself in the world of one piece, what would you do? eat a devil fruit? Go for the head of the dragons with The Dragon by your side? or would you just live a life you couldn't?
Kudos: 20





	1. And so it begins

Chapter One – And So It Goes

“This… This can't be…”I mumble woodenly to myself, looking down at what had washed up along with the waves. 'How? What the fucks going on...’

I stood routed to the ground. My blonde hair, pinned back by the wind, to reveal startled dark eyes underneath. The already small pupils now pinpricks, though they do stand out against the white canvas I had become. My breathing erratic, coming out in gasps as I try to get enough oxygen to my brain so I can make sense of what I was looking at. The clenched hands by my sides another symptom of the madness that is my life, doing nothing at all to the shivers running up and down my body. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on my breathing instead, forcing it to go slow as I draw in deeply, then exhaling slowly. I try to ignore my reality breaking (again) as I count each breath out as I grapple my emotions trying to get them into some semblance of control, just for a modicum of calm so I can think straight.

I relax slowly as I neared 10, my hands unfurling with each breath that brings me closer to it.

When I get to 10, my arms subconsciously rise and fall in line with my breathing, my feet widening to allow my body to fall into place for my forms, comfortably easing into the motions like a well-oiled machine.

As I count out 20 my right-hand snaps over my left shoulder to grab my wooden staff, bringing it around so it slaps loudly into the awaiting left hand. I grab my stick tightly with both hands and hold it by me as I turn side on, so I can begin the rest of my freak out, which normally would be my staff exercises. I bound forward stabbing the pole out in the same step with a strong ha. I let it almost fly out of my grip before I clamp down on the end of it with my right hand. Then I pull it back slightly as if I was going for a swipe, only to feint halfway as I raise it only to bring it down diagonally, slamming into an imaginary opponent as I carry on past it, to the next one I conjure up. I let the staff head nearly touch the ground before I explode upwards into a baseball swing to clatter into its right side and out of my way and so I go on fighting imaginary foes by the shoreline of a tiny cloud island. Swiping, slashing and stabbing it around me. I carry on putting my heart and soul into it pushing the only thing working, my arms and legs, transforming my staff into a disc as I wield it like the weapon it could be, the air screams as the white part time walking stick rushes through the wind trying to catch itself, almost forming a shield as I swing it in front of me. It was like it was guarding me from what was happening, pushing it to the back of my mind. Only focusing on the staff now, and of the cries it produces. My body takes over. It's well versed in this play, knows all its lines. I let it go to do what it does best, helping me calm in this familiarity. My brain does not need to think, plan or predict anything. It just settles back now as instinct takes over now. The hard-learned lessons of the past producing this rain dance, not to call upon any rain but one of blood.

Now as the mind relaxes so do the symptoms of my panic attack. The tattooed shoulders following it first as the tense neck muscles, also inked, relax, letting my shoulders and arms carry on doing so. My body is a lot more fluid now; the circle formed by my staff a lot smoother as well. My blonde hair moving as I do, my previously snow body now a lot healthier not that you could tell by the shade, but it was a lot flusher, a lot fuller looking as it just sort of sighs, leaving me a lot more relaxed. The high-pitched whine gradually growing softer as I wind down the forms. The disc braking up to reveal the staff underneath, slightly flexing under my hands as it comes to a rest. The sounds of the shoreline along with the wind easing me out of the shock that had gripped me.

Now that the adrenaline isn't messing me up as much as it had, I can think agaai…. shit! For fucks sake, I knew this would happen. I use my full focus, clenching my eyes hard, stretching my Haki to as far as it would go, squeezing it to the edges of my senses…

'… Haa' I breathe; there's nothing around. 'Thank you, whoever's looking out for me'

… Although it probably just didn't want to torment anyone with what I did. Only time I will ever be grateful to Fate. I know that bitch just finds me entertaining. I don't think I could ever live it down if someone saw me doing something so retarded. Most people breathe to calm themselves down, me…well I start to dance like a deranged swan trying to fly through a bloody tornado… Fuck. My. Life.

I look down once more to the inspiration for my impromptu breakdancing. It bops up and down against the foaming end of the White White Sea. I tentatively reach down to grab it, acutely aware of what it means. I inch closer to it, the seconds stretching as I do. So much so it feels like an hour before I can feel it's small blue spikes prick my palm. I relax for a second before clenching my fingers, grabbing onto it, marvelling that my hands doesn't just disappear into it like the mist (2 Weeks on the White White Sea, trust me will leave anyone a changed man/woman/person/thing).

It's a searing electric blue, its already annoying me with it's blue swirls spiralling into tiny spikes like little upside down tornadoes. It outshines everything in its vicinity, not only in colour, but also in sheer weight of the knowledge of what it was without a shadow of a doubt. The swirls ending in outcropping spikes doing well to distract me in this life. I have gained nothing if not discipline in this life. I wrench my thoughts away from it, but even then can feel its drag on me. Inevitable. Just like gravity, its not given any thought until you are 10,000 meters in the sky with nothing under you.

… I told you the White White Sea messed me up.

I ignore my trauma with laughable ease instead tossing the pineapple up and down, drawing on my knowledge of One Piece. This is the Goro Goro no Mi. The lightning devil fruit. This thing I'm treating like a doggy chew toy, is this worlds equivalent to a nuke. This was the deterrent to nations, kingdoms. Any power worth mentioning would have to reconsider any action if they know the other holds such a monster. The world outside of the grand line rarely saw any devil fruits at all, not just the Logias, but even they had stories passed down. Treated as myths after hearing the stories that had trickled in from anywhere they could hear about it. Pirates, Marines, anyone was welcome to tell them the legends of they who had survived the Grand Line.

They were not many of those. And any that could, would never want to leave it. Those waters were a dream for any that had touched the Seas, even for those that hadn't. Where any that be worthy could experience the bounties the World held jealously. The stories of such would rapture everyone who heard of it. Some may have believed such things just because they could, or may have known better from experience but most would not have been able to suspend their disbelief. Wouldn't, or even couldn't, believe that there was such out there awaiting them, things beyond anything of their wildest imagination. The devil fruit was not rare to any scale in this place... but this was not just anywhere.

The fruit that the Devil sold, the stories would go. However there was only thing it wanted in exchange for it, your Soul. He would whisper of power and things that could be. His seduction proving too tempting for some, giving into the allure of its promises; for others it may have been the only way to breathe a moment longer, to see another dawn. It could have been for any other reason that could have been dreamt of but he would give it to anyone… or anything. It was honesty that was surprising really and for good reason. He may have been the Devil but he only took what he asked for in payment, your soul.

This whipped the ever-prideful Calypso into a fury. She had become incensed, feeling she was losing out.You see the Seas and its bounties had always been hers. Anything that had felt her depths would always belong her in its entirety. That she would be denied these souls that had consumed the fruits left her feeling robbed, and so in to spite them she would drag them into her depths, plunging them into her darkness whenever they would touch her waters. She would just take the only thing that she could. The sea may be life itself to some but to others it was who had taken fathers, wives, cousins and friends without any thought. It was ever so fickle, just hope that you are strong enough to withstand it if ever you find yourself inside of one of its moods.  
Those were only stories but even they captured the truth of it. If you eat one just know that you will forever be rejected the seas.  
But even with such a weakness, the Goro Goro no mi had power that would easily outweigh it. It was one of the absolute powers in the world and what was the saying again?  
Ah, Absolute power corrupts absolutely. It would instantly catapult me into the top 10% of this world very easily. This was the power of a fucking fruit. One of your five-a-day, though I don't know what kind of doctor you have to need this to keep them away... oh wait, Caesar Clown.  
…Meh, yeah all right, makes some sense.

Anyways here I am with that legend. Something 90% of this world and my last would never see it as I do now… and it was fucking me up. My existence had already brought my beliefs into question; this just messes up my plans (I admit, in hindsight, going with the flow maybe wasn't the best plan I could have gone with).

'Hmmm' I ponder out loud. 'Almighty power or a few billion berries?'

Should I? Shouldn't I? Fuck this isn't easy… Wait I'm sure that 'Enel' could teleport. Yeah, he definitely had some weird electrical bullshit version of it. Eating it right now. Never having to physically move for anything out of me actually wanting to? Count me in.  
The only thing bothering me is the big man himself, the self-styled god Enel. What will happen now? What about Skypiea and its war over the Vearth? Most of what had happened up here in the manga had been a result of many coincidences falling upon each other to pave the way for the future pirate king.

Whatever I'll just go with the flow… whatever does happen, will happen. I bite doowwrrgghh… why! Why can I just not think anything through? Why would I put something that looks this sharp into my mouth with no prep? Is this to give me an idea of how it would feel to be electrocuted?!Fuck this, I'm not doing it again, I power down and thankfully it gives way quite easily after and I crunch through the rest for a bite.  
It is bloody disgusting but with my brain being put to use (for once), I sort of already expected it to be... the numbness, however, wasn't. It's spreading through my mouth like I've bitten a battery leaving a faint coppery aftertaste. I can feel something faint over my skin, like a really small itch everywhere at once. Is this supposed to happen?

I… I… don't know… know what's happening anymore. Pain is one thing but this was just plain weird. I feel weird, as if I have too much energy. My vision is blurring… no not blurring, vibrating. I sit down as my legs give way (… I don't really know), I try to hold myself together, trying not to gasp but breathe. My eyes shut, the staff reminding me of its presence when it bounces of me, having let go of it when I was forcefully sat down by the fruit… holding my breath, I can feel the current passing through me (not literally, seeing as I need all the oxygen I can get), relaxing slightly when the vibrating fades away.

Fucking… fucking hell that was second worst thing I can remeeeme…  



	2. Life Finds A Way

Being born is the worst miracle anyone can go through. I whole heartedly praise all mothers that can look at the squirming alien they just shot out and smile. I, as a person that has gone through it twice and witnessed it many more, can tell you that its the single worst thing you can go through... and I got to experience it in all its glory with a working memory.

...God, I hate you.

It began with nothing, it always does. Just like being in a void, no light as far as I could see, just this blankness wrapping around me like a blanket. It’s like being nothing while aware. Aware of you, who you are but in the loosest terms, like a smudged picture. You can make out what it once was but its just not that clear any more. The weirdest thing about all of this, was that my earliest memories shone through the clearest to me, it was like I had perfect vision as a baby that gradually grew worse, as I did up. I could watch everything like it was HD up until just after my first birthday had passed. I never did understand that.

It wasn’t much at all to be honest with you, just some clear but limited snapshots of my previous life.But when you have nothing, anything can become everything, my friend. It was enough to be everything. I had an identity, well sort of, and so I latched onto that like a lifeline. But even that didn’t clear up where I was. I couldn’t see shit at this point nor feel anything. I don’t exactly have any evidence but knowing what happened after, I think at this point, I was only a soul. Only a little wisp of soul keeping itself sane with its stories, not that it could now what was true. Only the emotions from the past saying it is so. It had no choice but to follow and go along with whatever was happening.

That wasn’t the worst thing though.

The worst thing about this wasn’t being physically born again, having to grow up again so you don’t have to be manhandled by clumsy giants after you shit yourself because you don’t know how to stop your asshole, or even the blank void you start with and that, believe me, was bad. The worst thing was the sheer fucking boredom throughout the first 2/3 months. I don’t exactly know how long, time was kind of hard to workout when you don't even have a body (as far as I knew I could have been a ghost). But those 1, 2 or 3 months were awful. Being alive with nothing that you can do is the worst fucking thing in this world.

However after those god-knows-how-many hellish months, I found out I could sleep. It was like a miracle from the books, a blessing from god. A literal godsend if you will. I genuinely believe that someone up there took pity on my sorry ass and helped me out. And boy was I glad they did, after that I slept like the baby I technically I was, any time I could get, which was all my time at that stage. This was another of those times I didn’t mind leaning into the stereotype.

Looking back on this now, half of me believes that they must have something to do with how I had ended up here otherwise why feel bad for me? I’m pretty sure there are other people in worse situations than this…?Well, I’m pretty sure anyway. But even if I knew for sure they had, back then, I wouldn’t have cared. I would have rolled over to go back to sleep. Because. That. Was. Heaven.

One miracle from god and I had found my personal haven.

… Wait if he/she could do that why didn’t he/she do that for everyone? Hmmm… nope, I’m not going to get into this again. I’m just happy they did for me.

Anyway after this Revelation I would sleep to my heart’s desire, waking up once in a while to see if anything new had happened. And for about another 2 months that was how it would go. I would wake up every 2/3 days and feel for any change, notice nothing different and then go back to doing my most favourite thing ever. I began to feel bored again when I couldn’t feel much of anything really after the first few times so I would sleep for a little bit longer each time, slowly days became weeks and each waking moments more brief.

The evolution of living beings took place over millions and millions of years, improving gradually until we had arrived, another species among thousands but nothing would ever be the same. A species so dominant we wanted to conquer the stars and the never ending darkness, just because we can. What I'm saying is it takes time, patience and a lot of luck before life was able to produce such results and in my ever so finite wisdom (as I keep finding out) never believed anything would change. I never knew of my own evolution, something so minute, the increase so gradual just like water flowing can carve through stone. So when I concentrated back on to what was for the first time in a month, I smashed into a cacophony of emotion and feelings just smashing into me. I had been sculpted by these changes into something more, something wondrous. An Angel (… I'll explain later).

The new simulations gave me a whole different life, something I can process, something for me to _do_. It took me awhile to get all this under control and understand how to make sense of all the information. I see this step as a necessary for me because me doing this, having to organise what I felt and sensed to understanding, it really helped me pick up Haki a lot easier but even then it took 3 and ½ years before I had the basics down, before I could set off on my own to perfect my Haki against the world.

I had been blank for a while, only way I can describe it. It was weird, I can’t really explain it but just know that it was a while before I could start actively thinking about myself, before my self awareness had become what it should be. I would only be able to string 2, or pushing it, 3 sentences at the beginning. It was here where I would exhaust my self with my past memories, going over them all with a fine tooth comb just because I could. I had access to more after I had evolved (Pokemon reference without even being born). I learned of my past, my life and my death on the tarmacked earth. I didn’t know this but soon I would emerge and grow to learn of my future, my life and my death on these blue seas.

A few moments before the blank though, I had been on a slightly warm evening with nothing but the red sunset accompanying me on what turned out to be my last day on that world. I had been walking down a narrow cobble stoned path past tiny stores on their carts wheeling their goods to anyone out on the roadside in the old parts of London, the capital of the country that had produced the biggest empire in recent history.

I remembered being satisfied for the first time in a while as I walked the uneven street, happy that I had done well with my gym sessions, studying and writing throughout the last 2 weeks. My thoughts turning with the path, the right turn at the crossroads after the bakery was normal, some days I would stop by the bakery just to speak with the owner but I was starving so I carried on to the first window on the left side after the right, a long open window which you could just about see someone out of after the top half of it was covered by the menu. Not that I needed it.

“Hey there, can I get a number 1 and a mocha with 2 sugars please?” I was on autopilot, she knew who I was and had known for the last 2 years.

“Yes, I do remember,” she rolls her eyes, ringing up the order, the till clicking as it does.

“...” I just smile as we go through the same old routine. She doesn’t even bother to respond, just sighs and prays for my health under her breath as always… Well, I hope that's what she was mumbling about.

I pay her, waiving away the change and await for my food. A quick smile at her as I pick it up, before a nod goodbye as I leave. I walk out into a day that was slowly winding down, carry on for a further 3 or 4 feet before I heard heavy thuds behind me, then followed by wheezing of someone who really was out of shape. I naturally assumed it was a jogger behind me, I mean what else could it have been? So using the food as an excuse, I slow down while I bite into the sandwich, thinking it would allow him an easier time to pass by me, but instead the thuds stay right behind me getting closer and closer. The short gasps fill my ears so I begin to try and give him even more space, assuming he was just that tired or slow, only to nearly stumble face first into the pavement as he jumps into the back of me, pushing something into me as he does so.

I froze and my arms had already risen halfway when I hear a gunshot a little way away behind me. My hands are fully up when I hear another, much closer bang. And that's when I felt something dripping down my back.

Just as the evening gradually took a turn for the colder, just so that the few who were heavier of breathe now had little clouds accompanying their journeys. I was bleeding out on the cobbled streets, staining it for mere moments probably before inevitably the wet British weather will wash away my blood, gradually turning colder as well, In the little old city of London. My house keys glinting had been coated as it fallen away and had down right in front of me. I remember mindlessly trying to reach for them. I don’t know what I wanted to do with it but it was so very important to me, so much so that I moved to it while my life was ebbing away.

I was probably just another statistic for most people, they only ones who are supposed to care and solve such problems will only twist and shape into what they want to show, to further their agendas, not to understand what it really reflects. The most affected ,again, not really shown any help in this. I remember thinking how unnecessary it was, I promised myself if I ever made it out I would live my everyday as if it was my last. I would do whatever I wanted, even if it was something stupid. I would be Iceburg and Franky combined in my craziness. I will be Free. I will be the Pirate King!

… Hah, I was dying. What do you want me to say? I didn’t actually mean that, I just wanted to be free. Free from expectation, free from money worries, free from what other people wanted me to do. Free from this dull boring existence.

Well, I was going through a whole different existence now. One that I had not even fully grasped yet. I had no idea of what was going on but I kept myself busy with trying to grasp what I was experiencing. This and my beautiful, beautiful sleep was what kept me going. The simulations and challenge was exhilarating for a guy who didn’t even had a dick to beat. The time passed as it is does and I got better at separating what I was being bombarded with. I could hear soft whispers, could decipher that there was something pushing me back when I tried to move through it, feel the warmth around me. The blank that had covered me was no longer there, ripped apart to bless me with heaven. The warm, loving sounds. The careful pressure around me. I really did feel like I was in heaven.

Then I was born to an Angel.


	3. Life Goes On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wait. Enjoy. 
> 
> please review and let me know how I can improve.

Chapter 3 Life Goes On

So heaven wasn’t what I expected it to be.

It was kind of cool. I mean I have wings ( without a Redbull too ) and you live on clouds, but it wasn’t all that different from normal life. I eat, I shit and made noise (not always at the same time). Rinse and repeat. The most memorable event was being born… and well, the aftermath too. It wasn’t a happy day as such. Happy is too simple a description of what happened, but that’s a story for another day, if ever. My Ma would go on and on about that day, especially after she found out I could follow her stories. I'm surprised it took her so long to get that, considering how my eyes rolled each time she began.

I still blame the doctor. He must have had a paper bag for a stomach. Why be a doctor if you can’t stand a birthing? Though, with the nurses I understand, I didn’t mean to do that to them... Alright, I admit I wasn’t in the best shape after being kicked out of my haven, but really who can blame me? Why do you think babies cry as soon as they are out? It isn’t out of happiness I can tell you that much.

Although it was weird at the start, I still had no idea of what had happened at that point, the void before this had started off worse and it had ended in my haven. This was nothing in comparison. It took me awhile to connect the dots. Not being able to see those dots as a consequence of my under developed eyes, not doing me any favours at all. I adapted to my circumstances pretty well considering. I had been rolling with the punches for a while now and being shot out like a cannonball was apparently another one. I mean what else could happen that would be worse than before? Well, a lot as I would find out, but that was neither here nor there, so being born to an angel in heaven was not that much of an issue, even if I didn't know that just yet.

It was actually a bit of a relief as time passed, I knew where I stood for the first time since the void. Let me tell you, having a nipple shoved into your mouth which then starts squirting warm milk was not how you want to find out that you are a baby. Sure I had my suspicions before and I was right but that wasn’t how I wanted to find out I was right. That wasn’t even the last time I hated being proved right.

My sense were crap. Utter crap. I could feel things around me which was quite nice until I shat myself, then it was just horrendous. My nose being flat as a pancake meant that I wasn’t tormented by the smells when that did happen. I was still blind as a bat with no echo location because guess what? Yep, my hearing was nearly as bad as my sight. So yeah, being a baby wasn’t all that.

It was a good few months after the night of the living dead that I could see enough for faces to register. I could make out these indistinct blobs before, but that wasn’t much until one morning I awoke to 2 beautiful green orbs right in front of me, shining through my half asleep thoughts like a lighthouse in a storm. They were, as I would find out later, the eyes of my new mother and was the first thing I remember seeing in my new life. I’m sure they will be the one of the last things I remember in this life.

My vision wasn’t all that great though, I had only been able to see her eyes due to how close my mother had been.As more months passed ,it steadily improved to a stage where my environment became a lot more accessible to me,certainly more than the blobs from before anyway. Now I could see the small table with a lonely chair in the middle of the room, always accompanied by some type of reading material on top of it, whether it was a newspaper or book. The shelf right across the room from me holding said reading material. I could feel my little bed/cot that I may as well have been born with,it certainly fit like it had.It’s how I imagine sleeping in a cloud would feel. I would later learn that was exactly what it was.

That was it. That was all I could make out. The room was tiny, cosy if I was being kind, even for someone that had lived in central London. There was a door a little ways to the left of me but it may as well have been a portal to another world to my eyes.

My mother was the one thing that definitely wasn’t small. She could fill any room she would walk into, not takeover, just fill it with her warmth. There was a reason why I thought I had been born to an angel in heaven, the wings and the clouds were only a part of it. She was an angel that embodied the best parts of being a human, which was weird now I think about it, angels were supposed to be above humanity, but she embodied all that an angel could ever hope to be. She laughed like a mental patient, she got angry fiercely but forgave even more readily. She lived life more freely than any that I had seen up until then. Life was a dance for her and she only ever moved to the music that was playing.

She was… she was all I wished I could be and all I hope to be.

Her eyes spoke to me more than her words did (granted at the start I couldn’t understand a word she said…). She was expressive in a way I could never be, changing like the sea, impressing outwards all that she was. She was the reason why I love emeralds. The way it would shine made me remember her laughter, tears running and snorting along but her eyes were mesmerising, alive like nothing else I had seen. I could never, ever look away (…Even when I maybe should have).

She was what anchored me to this world; her joyous screams as I waddled about for the first time, the warmth she exuded when she spoke with me, her morals that had been slowly carved into me with her every step, her silent tears when she spoke with the man in white. She danced in the wind like fire, roaring gloriously (…but using her fuel all the more quickly). I was 3 months old when I started the journey that I thought would last a lifetime(… I was 5 years old when I understood that people have different destinations).

The first time I opened my mouth was another moment that I will treasure. It was about 8-9 months into this circus. My body having grown to accommodate my will, was able to sound out the word Ma. Nothing more than that. ‘M,A’, any other language it would have been dismissed as a nonsense but there and then for my mum those 2 letters meant the world.

‘Say it’ she would go, clasping her hands together as if she were in a prayer, ‘say Ma again, Eneru’

Squealing with happiness whenever I would indulge her. Her hands lifting me off the floor, swinging me higher every time I would repeat it. I could never deny her anything, repeating the word until she would settle down, which could take her a while.

I always made sure to give her a hand to help with what I could, though it wasn’t much considering that I literally couldn’t stand on my 2 feet yet. Thankfully, my presence was mostly enough for her, just as hers was for me and so days passed by. My adaption to this new life mostly shaped by her and her love. It was so much brighter for it.

She was the one I could speak with, I could never hide the fact I was more advanced than anyone had the right to be at my age. I was devouring books any time I could and all I had was free time I was picking up proficiency at an alarming rate, which brought my attention to something I never noticed before. The pages were running out… not that there weren’t more books but all of them were out of my reach, literally.

It was in the months leading up to my 2nd birthday that I really focused on getting crawling down. I had been trying since my first words but my efforts had been more focused on getting my speaking and reading down. It was annoying trying to mime what I wanted and boredom was something that crept in all too easily then. It was also annoyingly harder for something I had dismissed offhandedly. I had trained my motor reflexes as best I could but with the diminishing returns of trying to catch things and the boredom of repetition led me to trying to swing onto my belly so I could crawl, many tries and a couple of embarrassing (crying) episodes later, I was able to do it for about 2 meters before I started gasping for air.

I had never done it in front of my mum, I was waiting for the 20th of February, my birthday. I was going to show off then, to make it even more memorable. She loved celebrating any occasion that we could. There wasn’t much to do in heaven (or so I believed) and I wanted make it so that she could enjoy that day to the fullest.

We lived in a small cottage just a little ways out of the nearest settlement. It wasn’t big enough to even be called a town, more like a village on the smaller side. We only had 3 rooms in total, with one not even part of the cottage, laying just outside it and for good reason, which I would only later learn why.

My first adventure to get into the little shed really did set me up for this pirate life perfectly. Never assume anything.

It was a burning question for me, for a 3 year old with hardly anything to do and while I’m sure Shikamaru might have loved this, it wasn't for me. The room stood out like a lighthouse. What would I find? I had no idea and that burned me up on the inside. I had explored all of the 2 rooms and was just too curious for my own good. So I waited and plotted, then plotted and waited some more just to get a moment when my mum had not been, so I could sneak out to find out. Only for all my hard work to lead me to the fucking toilet. This was when I just shat myself and expected it to disappear with the wave from my guardian angel. This is where I learned of occupational hazards.

We used to burn wood for heat, pulled water from the well when needed and lived off our company. I used to wake up in the morning and just have a sniff, I was always be able to work out how she was feeling with what or if she was cooking that day. The smell permeating the rooms quite easily.

That wasn’t to say there was no one around, the little village was about 10 mins walk from us but we just didn’t go there much, no need to really. The forest provided us with most of living needs. The clearing on the edge of the woods, the pathway leading to our safe haven nearly always blooming green with its lack of use, with its groaning well and the organised chaos that was the animals who skittered about in sprints. Although the last one was sort of on purpose, we always left out food for the birds to hear the beautiful melodies in the morning, they were our alarm clocks. This opened the gates for other animals because hello, free buffet, but she didn’t care. She found joy in life like no one else I had met so far in either lives.

There was no living room or dining room, it was meshed together so you would find the books just lying on the floor, the table or the kitchen counter being bathed in the smell of the food …or just food. This made it simple for me to find the discarded ones on the floor but anything near the kitchen was a no go due to a very minor accident that was blown way out of proportion (how was I supposed to know there was a knife on top of the counter? I couldn’t even lift my head for god’s sake!). So getting the more interesting reads was difficult but I had to keep improving my knowledge, I needed to know where I was or what.

Though thinking back on it now, I should have relaxed on that, I couldn’t have acted on that information for years anyway, and any progress I would have made wasn’t amazing without proper guidance. Hindsight is always 20/20. So there I was sitting in the middle of the dining room, a little ways away from the kitchen using the table as cover. All I needed was to be able to stand and I would have been able to reach the ledge of the table from which I could try and tip the book onto the floor. Obviously to achieve this I need to be able to stand and the table was stalwart supporter of mine, helping me balance my problems perfectly.

So I grasped the wooden pillar as hard as I could and pulled, squeaking all the while (sue me I was 1 ½ yrs. Old). I strained and clenched my arms to heave myself up, miraculously I felt myself lifting slowly at first but curiously I was trying less harder now though…

“What are you doing huh?” she asked, bringing me up to eye level. Her eyes twinkling away as usual.

“Maaa?!” It was a good thing that I had diapers on.

“Yeesss?” she grinned. “What haavv… oh well _that_ I should have expected”

“Ma!” I cried trying to throw her of, ahem, the scent.

“I know, I’m doing it” she teased, “no need to ppffftt raise a stink”

She could never resist her stupid puns and sarcasm, boy did it get tiring quick… I loved it. It’s not where I got it from but she was the enabler, definitely made me worse for it. Any who come across me will have a wonderfully unique experience… or I will, so I win either way.

While she was doing the business with my business, the rustling of papers being gently shifted behind me got me excited. There was a grand total of 2 things It could be, a book or the newspaper and out of the 2, the latter was my hope. We simply didn’t have that many books and I near enough knew where they were held. The closest one was on the kitchen counter, not the table. I was racking my head to think of any way I could have swiped it under her nose.

The plan was degrading but simple… I was going to act my age. I just grabbed onto it and threw a tantrum, refusing to let it go even when I was ‘bribed’ by my mum. It actually worked so well that it was used extensively after its inception (… to varying degrees of success).

I hung on to it like my life depended on it. She let me have it with a huff, carrying on with doing what she had to. I laughed revelling in my victory. The small smile she had let me know what she thought of that.

Though her smile fled when I read the title of the newspaper.

Again Ma, I didn't mean to. I thought I was done to.


End file.
